Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
it's like heaven, but drunker
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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