what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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