either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's blow job season.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
