I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
