dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
My balls are so social today.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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