what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
