I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
