im having a threesome with these popsicles
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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