So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
