But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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