ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
