so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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