this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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