Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she looked like the before picture.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
