You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I think people are normalizing furries
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