this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
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