I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
then he tried to convert me to islam
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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