She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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