i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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