My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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