I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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