Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
