Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
