Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Randomize
