If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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