Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
