When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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