i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
