I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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