just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
