This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
The adults are the big ones right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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