he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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