Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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