This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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