I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
