Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
