So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
