Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Yo dont text me then not text me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We're using joints as your birthday candles
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
