My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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