She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
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Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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