and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
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I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
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You can't die you're my only democrat family member
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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