it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize