I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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