the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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