I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I checked into jail on foursquare
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
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