I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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