I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
