I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
