you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
