omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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