I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I die, sorry about rent.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Randomize
