Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
