btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
