yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
how do flat chested girls get laid?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
