i wish starbucks made bloody marys
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
