I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
