I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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