i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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