I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
