It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
