There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
