One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
