went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
