Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
