so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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