Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
