I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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