You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
