Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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