jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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